It’s been almost a year since my last post. I don’t know what to say , except for some reason this past year I got lost. I felt like I had misplaced my creativity along with my spirit.And rather than confront the WHY, I sat in the middle of that lost feeling and let it surround me. It was never a good feeling, I knew I should shake it off but instead I watched it creep into my life, little by little, day by day. I put a smile on my face and kept reminding myself of what I had to be grateful for. And grateful I was , but my gratitude didn’t get me over that mountain .
I kept trying to look inside at what was hiding in the shadows making me feel so disconnected from the things I love; the beauty around me; my photography; and my art. The last time I felt like this was many, many moons ago and I remembered that lost feeling. I also remembered what started me on turning things around. Mary Oliver is my favorite poet and it was while reading through a book of her poetry that one of her poems hit me like a lightening bolt and so I went back to it, “ The Journey “, by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
What you had to do, and began, Though the voices around you Kept shouting
Their bad advice‚
Though the whole house
Began to tremble
And you felt the old tug
At your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
Each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do, Though the wind pried
With its stiff fingers
At the very foundations‚ Though their melancholy
It was already late
Enough, and a wild night,
And the road full of fallen Branches and stones.
But little by little,
As you left their voices behind, The stars began to burn Through the sheets of clouds, And there was a new voice, Which you slowly
Recognized as your own,
That kept you company
As you strode deeper and deeper Into the world,
Determined to do
The only thing you could do‚ Determined to save
The only life you could save.
I’ve read this poem so many times I should have it memorized. Because of this poem, I’ve been stepping outside late at night looking up to the sky and thinking of my little spot in the world. A week ago when I went outside and looked up at the star filled the sky-it was overwhelmingly beautiful and peaceful and at that moment it was exactly the medicine my soul needed. I didn’t immediately experience a return to my “normal”. But I’ve gotten myself back on the path I want to take. I’ve always been so very grateful for my talents, my skills, my artistic ability and for the life I live. I’m sorry I wasted a year of this precious life wallowing, and I guess since I’ve learned more about my self , it really hasn’t been wasted.
A large step in “mending my life” is getting back out in nature and on the road. Back out on the road for 2023 is taking us to Moab, Utah and camp hosting for the Bureau of Land Management along the canyons and the Colorado River from March to June. From there we will be heading to the glaciers- Glacier National Park, camp-hosting in the park at Many Glacier Campground from June 9th to mid July and from mid July to mid September at Rising Sun Campground. I couldn’t be more blessed to be headed to some of the most beautiful spots in the Universe ! And I am so excited about sharing the beauty of those spots with all of you.
I know there are thousands and thousands of people out there facing challenges I could never imagine, so thank you for listening to me and allowing me to share my inconsequential one with all of you. Thank you all for standing by me, I appreciate each one of you so very much.